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Communicate Well

People must understand each other to work well together. So it is important to be clear and use plain words as much as you can. It takes at least two people to communicate: a speaker and a listener. The listener's job is just as important as the speaker's.

This part of the Tool Box talks about how to

• Listen Well
• Say What You Mean

Listen Well

The goal of listening is to understand others. There are several skills that help you listen well:

• Pay attention - listen with both your ears and your eyes.
• Look at the speaker's face. It shows you are interested. What you see can tell you how the person feels about what they say.
• Do not speak until the other person is done talking. When you speak at the same time, it shows people that you are not interested in what they have to say.
• Ask questions that help others share what they think - Ask questions with "yes" or "no" answers only to be sure you understood the person right. To get more information, use open-ended questions, such as
• "When you say ________________, what do you mean?"
• "I am confused. Can you tell me how...?"
• "Help me to understand why."
• "Tell me more about that." Or "I would like to hear more about that."
• "How did that work?"
• "Why is that important to you?"
• "How will that affect you?" Or "What will that mean for you?"
• "What will happen if_________?"
• Show what you understand - Let the person know that you hear what they think and how they feel about it.
• Put the important parts of what you heard them say in your own words. This is called paraphrasing. Do not add any ideas of your own or leave out anything important. Do not try to solve the person's problem in your answer. Say things like "Let me see if I understand you..." or "This is what I hear you saying..." or "It sounds like what you are saying is..." [C10].
• Show that you understand how the person feels. This is called reflecting feelings. Say things like "It sounds like you feel ____________ about it."
• Say what the main points are - Do this before you start a new topic. This helps everyone be clear. Sometimes it is also good to do this after a lot of points are made, just to make sure nothing important is forgotten.

In order to reflect someone's feelings back to them, it helps to know a lot of words that talk about feelings. Click here to see a list of feeling words sorted into types of feelings.

Click here to see an activity to help you learn how to show people you understand their feelings.

Click here to see an activity that helps you learn to put things in other words or paraphrase.

Here are some tips for how to listen well in a meeting [C1]:

• Plan to listen to the others before you speak up.
• If you think someone's idea is stupid, listen some more. Maybe there is more to the idea that the person has not said yet.
• Bring a list with team members' names and put a mark by their name each time they talk. Ask people with fewer marks what they think.

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Say What You Mean

The goal of talking is for people to understand what you have to say. So it is important to say what you mean and say it in ways that people understand.

It is OK to use big words such as "developmental disabilities" or jargon words, if everyone on the team knows the words and agrees on what the words mean. But when people use a lot of long words around people who do not understand them, it gives the speaker power over the others. It splits the team into the "in" group who understand, and the "out" group who does not. The "in" group gets to make the decisions because they understand the issues hidden in the big words. The "out" group does not have a real say. This is why it is important to use words that everyone on your team understands.

Make it OK for people to ask you to put it another way if they do not understand. It is very hard for people to say they do not understand. It makes them feel stupid and part of the "out" group. If others keep using long words, people in the "out" group will have to keep saying they do not understand. This is just too hard. It sends the message that the "out" group does not matter. Here are a few tips to help you support people to speak up when they do not understand:

• Tell people that when they do not understand a speaker, it is the speaker's problem. They can help speakers learn to say what they mean by asking them to say it another way.
• Be a good model. Ask speakers to say things another way when you do not understand or know that others on the team do not understand.
• Start a plain language fund. When a speaker uses hard words, such as "subsequently," rather than simple words, such as "later," that mean the same thing, they must give a dime. The money can go into a fund to support a local self-advocacy group. You can even make up books of tickets to hand out, just like police do with people who drive too fast.

When you first meet each other, you will not know what the other people understand. You will have to guess at first. What if a team member has a developmental disability so they need a little more time to understand things. You may guess that you will have to use simple words and spend more time on each thing you want to say. But maybe the person has been on a lot of boards and committees. The person may know a lot of meeting jargon, such as "policy" and "consensus." You will find this out as you listen to the person. It also helps to ask people to put what you said in their own words. This helps you in two ways:

1. It tells you if they understand what you said.
2. It helps you learn what words they use so you can use the same words.

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Here are some tips to help you and others use words that everyone can understand in meetings:

• Look mostly at the person who needs the simplest language when you speak. This will remind you to pay attention to the words you pick. Do this even when you answer a question asked by someone else.
• When someone uses words that you think others may not understand, ask if everyone knows what the words mean. If anyone says no, explain the words.
• Whenever someone uses hard words or jargon words, lean over to a person who may not understand and explain what was said. After a while, speakers will start to use easier words.

Sometimes people use long and hard words without thinking. They may use words to hide the truth. Sometimes two people can use the same big words but mean different things. Two agencies may both say that they provide services "in the community." But one agency may help people live in group homes that are all on the same block. The other may match people up with room-mates who do not have disabilities. When you use simple words that help people picture what the agencies do, it is easier for them to pick what they want.

Most of the time, people understand more words when they hear them than when they read them. So it is better to talk to people than to write a note. Then it is easier for people to ask you about anything they do not understand [C1].

Sometimes it is important to make a record of what the group has done or plans to do. Big print helps people who do not see well, but it may not help people who do not read well. People who do not read well may like to have a copy on a CD or cassette tape, as well as paper. It is important to people to have a paper copy even if they cannot read it, because it makes them feel like the rest of the team.

Click here for a few tips on how to make what you write easier to understand.

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